So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
