God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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