My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
