evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Come share oat with me in your robe
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
