Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
