we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
