We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
