I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize