I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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