Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
