So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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