Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
