Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
