My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
