meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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