I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
