You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
