Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
