I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
