just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
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