I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
