it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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