anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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