I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
