I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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