i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
