so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
