I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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