just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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