Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
