The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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