If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
