What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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