Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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