You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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