their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
