First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
