I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
