After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
