Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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