Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
