...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
