i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
