Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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