whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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