This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
