This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
