You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
