so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What a dumb baby whore.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
