is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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