he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
