just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
