I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
