Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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