I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
