my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
