Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
