Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
