he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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