I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
