Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize