I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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