I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
