I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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