shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i drank out of a bidet.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
