did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
