i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
