she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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