Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
