Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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