Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
