She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
