im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
