I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hippo gnu deer
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
