In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
