Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
