im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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